Which ‘you’ do you use?

In most mIE languages formal and informal address is accomplished pronominally with different forms of the 2^nd person pronouns. The exceptions are English and the Scandinavian languages where politeness is expressed by context rather than by pronoun choice.

English 2nd singular “thee” has mostly disappeared from modern use making English the only mIE lg where the 2nd plural pronoun is used for singular informal address, singular formal address, and plural.

How many ‘you’s’ do you need?

Hindi, Bengali and Nepali have three layers of formality: intimate (family members or very close friends, also used for speaking down to someone), neutral where social relationships are on the same level (students to students, coworkers), and honorific. The first two agree with a 2sg verb. Honorific ‘you’ agrees, if you can believe it, with a 3pl (they) verb!!

Bengali
O mā, tui_2sg āmāke čeno_2sg! [oh mother, you me know] ‘Oh mother, you know me!’
O guru, tumi_2sg āmāke čeno_2sg! [oh teacher, you me know] ‘Oh teacher, you know me!’                  
O rājā, āpni_2sg āmāke čenen_3pl! [oh king, you me know] ‘Oh king, you know me!’                   

Continuing on with the 3rd person theme, Italian, sometimes said to be the most beautiful of spoken mIE languages,

How many ‘they’s’ do they need?

Persian has a 3rd person polite pronoun, išan ‘he, she, they’ which is used when referring politely to someone present but not addressed. It agrees with verbs in the 3rd person plural, even when referring to one person. This works because Persian, like the other Iranian languages, has no grammatical gender so this is similar to saying “That person (male or female) over there—they are our boss.” Only it is not colloquial, as it is in English. In this respect Persian is unique among the mIE languages in that speakers can express respect about a third person.

Persian
išān sarparast-e man hastand_3pl. [he/she supervisor my are] (formal) ‘He/She is my supervisor.’
išān sarparastān-e man hastand_3pl. [he/she/they supervisors my are] (informal/formal pl) ‘They are my supervisors.’
išan barādar-e man ast_3sg [he/she brother my is] (formal, e.g., introducing) ‘He is my brother.’   
u barādar-e man ast_3sg [he/she brother my is] (informal) ‘He is my brother.’  

Continuing the 3rd person theme, Italian, sometimes called the most beautiful of spoken mIE languages, uses Lei ‘she’ for formal address. Lei ‘she’ for ‘you’ (formal) derives from late Latin usage where honorific titles were all feminine in gender though they referred to males. For example, the pronominal reference to La Signoria Vostra ‘your lordship…’ would be Lei ‘she’. Formal Lei began to lose currency during the reign of the narcissistic autocrat Benito Mussolini who found it unmanly. However, after his inevitable demise, Lei ‘you’ (formal) has returned to everyday usage.
Italian
Lei_2sg/2pl è_3sg in arresto. [you is under arrested] ‘You are under arrest.’

And then there’s Polish.

Except for Polish, the Slavic languages use the 2nd person plural pronoun to express formality or politeness agreeing with a 2pl verb. Polish speakers use the nouns pan ‘Mr’, pani ‘ma’am’ and panie ‘sirs’ agreeing with 3sg verb and 3pl verb respectively for ‘you’. Note in the first example below the subject pronoun is dropped. (More on pronoun subject dropping in the next post.)
“The distinction between [informal/formal] is very important when you converse with Polish people. If you do not use the words in an appropriate manner you might receive ‘weird stares’ from people or, if you are lucky, perhaps a bit of a laughter. If you are not, you can expect to get into trouble. And if you think this is a joke, trust me it’s not…As weird as it may seem be, these linguistic implications work both ways. In other words, Polish people struggle with “you” as well. Why? Since we are used to the form Sir/Madam, it is very awkward for us to use the word “you” when speaking English to people we meet for the first time as well as elderly people or someone superior to us. Every time we say it, it seems inappropriate and disrespectful at the same time.”¹

Polish
Jesteś moją matką. [are my mother] ‘You are my mother.’  Pan jest królem. [sir is king] ‘You are the king.’

The line between informal and formal usage can be murky. One Hindi-speaking Quora user commented, “A girl addresses me as ‘tu‘ (very informal) but I address her as ‘āp‘ (formal) as I’m too shy to call her by name. She makes fun of me saying I am giving her too much respect.” Another commented, “I have the same problem with my soon-to-be husband through an arranged marriage. I call him āp (formal) but he says tum (informal). He says my name but frowned when I once uttered his name. He says women shouldn’t say their husband’s name. I just have to tolerate his behavior because my marriage is fixed.”²

You’re in a meeting with German and English speakers all speaking English and on a first name basis. After the English speakers leave the meeting only native German speakers are left and the group switches to German. But do you use informal du or formal Sie? “If you go to Sie, you also have to go from ‘Wolfgang’ to ‘Herr Franz’ or even ‘Herr Dr. Weiss’ if you don’t want to be rude with respect to a rule concerning academic titles. This feels like a twenty degrees drop in temperature to everyone involved. Using du prematurely, on the other hand, can cause loss of face and awkwardness. In order to avoid this, what frequently happens is that everybody clams up and the conversation is over, because it has turned into a social minefield, and people want to get away from it.”³

“I enter a decent [Bulgarian] establishment. A nice-looking waitress in a neat uniform brings me a menu and, although she has never seen me in her life, asks me in her own way, ‘Do you (ti) want to order or will you (ti) choose from the menu?’ I go to a clothing store, where a middle-aged saleswoman greets me as if we had parted yesterday, ‘Can I help you (ti)? ‘ No matter where I turn, I am inundated with friendly address. Where did the polite Vie go? Why is everyone suddenly saying ti to complete strangers? … What is this urge to talk like we grew up together?”⁴

1. https://polish-dictionary.com/formal-informal-polish ↩︎
2. https://www.quora.com/Hindi-language ↩︎
3. https://blogs.sap.com/2014/12/01/you-can-youz-me/ ↩︎
4. https://missby.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/you/ ↩︎

Adress The pronoun one uses to refer to the person(s) one is speaking to. Beyond that the pronoun can express nothing (English you) or it can express levels of intimacy, friendlieness, or formality. In some languages the pronoun chosen may express levels of social distinction.

Gender Personal pronouns “stand in” for nouns and take cues about gender from the person, place or thing they refer to. Most mIE languages have a 3-way expression of gender: male (masculine), female (feminine), inanimate (neuter). English follows this system strictly and is the only mIE language that does so. In some Scandinavian languages masculine and feminine have merged into a ‘common’ gender. In most languages the gender of a noun is arbitrary. For example French table ‘table’ is feminine while Italian tavalo ‘table’ is masculine.

Person refers to a member of a conversation or discourse. The person speaking is 1st person, and since there’s just one of him or her, it’s 1st person, singular (I). If there are more than one involved then it’s first person, plural (we). The person spoken to is the 2nd person, singular if one (you), plural if many (you). Third person refers to the person(s) or thing(s) being spoken about (he, she, it, they).

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